December 2009
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streeter:
Truth be told, the last few years have been effortlessly kind to me professionally. I have worked very hard, sure, but forces beyond my control have aligned to help make my hard work successful. Lord knows there are plenty of people who just as hard or harder yet do not have the support system in place to allow their work to be truly appreciated. I can happily say that has not been...
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Monologue Jokes for 12-26-09
New York City police say a woman being harassed by a group of 8 men on the subway fatally stabbed one of them and escaped on the F train. The police say be on the lookout for a 6 foot 2 blonde woman carrying a bloody knife who goes by the name Uma Thurman. After a narrowly-averted terrorist attack on a Detroit-bound plane yesterday, all US flights face more scrutiny than ever. So be prepared to...
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Monologue Jokes for 12-23-09
A routine California police department raid yielded over $1 million in cocaine. Most of the illegal substance will be used as evidence in an ensuing narcotics trial and the rest will go towards the police’s Crack for Tots drive, just in time for the holidays. Richard and Mayumi Heene, the so-called ‘Balloon Boy’ parents, face sentencing this week. If found guilty, the couple...
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Monologue Jokes for 12-22-09
New so-called ‘passenger’s rights’ rules enacted by the FAA require all planes to leave the runway within three hours of boarding. The rules also require that all airline meals be under 120 degrees on the outside and slightly above freezing point in the middle.
The Health Care Bill has passed a 2nd vote in the Senate, bringing it one vote away from passing on Christmas Eve....
Monologue Jokes for 12-21-09
Des Moines police shot and killed a man who tried to attack them with an axe. The police officers, who were hiding in a Christmas tree at the time of the shooting, say the attack was utterly unprovoked.
The Senate Democrats finally have enough supporters on their side to get health care past a possible Republican filibuster. All that stands in their way now? The slaying of the great cyclops.
A...
Monologue Jokes for 12-18-09
Reality stars John and Kate Gosselin’s divorce was finalized today. All that remains for the former couple is the sale of their house and the euthaunization of their 8 children. Then it’s all water under the bridge.
The Center for Disease Control released a report this week citing New York City as the unhappiest city in America. The happiest? Blow Jobs, Ohio.
A billboard in New...
Wouldn't You Know?
That everything’s bigger in Texas? Wouldn’t you know?
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Monologue Jokes for 12-16-09
The city of Pittsburgh is proposing adding a tax on the tuition of students attending college in the city. The ‘Bet You Didn’t Think You Couldn’t Dislike Pittsburgh And College Any Less’ Tax goes into effect next year. 20,000 exotic animals were seized in a raid on Texas warehouse. In other news, the Texas state rangers are holding their annual ‘Baked Kangaroo...
No Monologue Jokes Today
They’ll resume tomorrow. I promise.
Monologue Jokes for 12-13-09
US retail sales for the year exceeded expectations. The leading sales items included guns, rope, sleeping pills and wine, exhaust pipe hoses and coffins, coffins, coffins! A Muslim inventor has created a so-called orthopedic prayer rug, which diminishes the strain of prayer on a devotee to Islam’s knees and back. The Catholic Church praised the rugs and said they’re working on knee...
“In one case, a New York school confined a 9-year-old with learning disabilities...”
– Since hearing, states take little action on restraint in schools - USATODAY.com
I feel terrible laughing at this, but why was the school punishing this kid for SLOUCHING?! That’s not even disrespectful. It’s just a way some people sit. “If you can’t correct your posture,...
